Decisions, Decisions...

This week is quite crucial for me. My manager has placed pressure on me, & I have to decide on whether I'll be staying with the company beyond February or not. And oddly enough, my entire family is not with me right now. Brother is in Australia still, dad went to Phillipines & mom has gone to Kuching. I wish I can talk to them face-to-face. I've heard their opinions, but never really have I shared my dilemma with them.

It used to be easier. Day by day I would face more and more situations that were hard to bear. Work wasn't fun. But I've come to realise that no matter who I work with, there's certainly be conflict & contrasting opinions, so it's not about that anymore. It's not about hardship I've faced anymore, because I know following my dreams will be equally challenging. And it's definitely not about money, because I know that my Dream-Giver has my back.

It's about where He wants me to be, who He wants me to touch, and what He wants me to learn.

And so I've asked God to help me imagine my near future. I need to see myself - what I'll be doing & how I'll be using my time... If I can see it, then I can do it. I don't know if it's just me, but I see a lot of myself being without a full time job & doing free lance stuff... Movie making is one thing. Maybe more stuff on videos... There's plenty to explore in that area, and it's one of my strongest gifts. Another thing I love about not having a 9-5 job is the amount of time I can have to invest in people's lives.

Of course, keeping this job will assure income - Stability. But as innocent as it sounds, I believe that if God wants me to quit this job & go free lance, he'll meet my every need. Plus, I can get any job I want (i think), though I doubt I can find a job that pays as much as what I receive now. I have actually thought about it, and the worst job I can get is kindergarten teacher. God knows how bad I am with children.

People say that those who follow their dreams are brave people. Well I'm scared as a hungry mouse that has just been injected by some Australian lab student with some chemicals that cause its skin to illuminate - scared to stay hungry, scared to be eaten by the cat if I do venture out. I want it to be God's timing. I want to be doing what God wants me to do lah, simple as that. Could you pray with me please? Maybe we'll get an answer...