Friday, September 26, 2008

I'm Engaged

That's right. I popped the question.

Wong Mei Chin (people like to call her Ah May, Mei Mei, May Jie, May Wong) said "yes" on September 20th, 2008, in the presence of our closest friends. You can read the full account here, while I jot down my experience & thoughts here.

I kept waiting for a right moment to ask for May's hand in marriage, hoping for the perfect situation. Things have been rough, you see (that's why I don't blog that often lately). To add to our family's financial instability, my dad & I were released from our jobs under a rather unbelievable situation. It's sad because, I was just starting to find my place in that organization (after an orientation week), & I felt I could really help them for the long run. It was quite devastating, considering that I actually like the job & it was suppose to be my first stable job after 1 year of trying to live a dream.

The church is also in a funky situation at the moment (yes funky is the right choice of words right now), and the dreams we share as TOUCH are under jeopardy too. So you could imagine how last week's youth service turned out to be the youth service of the year. Anyway, I hope this is enough to tell you how my journey of running with a God-given dream is in a bad spot right now. My 24th birthday is just around the corner too, & that feeling of inadequacy is truly overwhelming.

On Friday May wrote me a letter. She assured me that in spite of it all, she knows that we are meant for each other. And she told me that she wants us to be together through happy and sad moments, be rich / poor together, for the rest of our lives. That's kind of the gist of the letter, of course her words were way better. But reading it really reminded me of God's love. I can imagine the day when I get to heaven & see the Dream-Giver face-to-face, & He'll show me the plans He had designed for me even before I was born. And as I look at that plan I'll be going like "Oh my God, how far have I missed the mark!! All that potential & energy & dreams were so under-utilized!!". But in all that, He calls me to look into His eyes & He'll say:

I love you, My son. Enter My joy.

I cried as that picture was painted in my imagination. May's love pointed me towards God's love, the assurance of that unconditional love that makes you wanna give your everything to love right back!!

Being very Spirit-led, I found the words to say & the courage to pop the question. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do so in the witness of our closest friends. People say there were many wet eyes. I know there was a lot of clapping & the catch phrase of the day was "Man, that was unreal!!". Their excitement & joy for May & I gives me confidence that as we take this journey towards a new chapter of this God-given dream, they will walk with us all the way - gladly, willingly, & lovingly.

Thanks to all TOUCH people who were present that eventful day. Your generosity of love & encouragement is AMAZING.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Good Old Days

This picture just reminds of the church I once knew.... those were the good old days.

How sad is it when you're a 24-year-old talking about the good old days?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Where I Am

I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now. Never felt so depressed, defeated, useless before - at least not over such a long period of time anyway. People who never took the time of day to know me are placing harsh and cruel judgments upon me; I had those all my life, but this time these are the very ones that I have to convince otherwise. Otherwise, the foundations that I have built for these God-given dreams of mine, I have to rebuild elsewhere. I've  always believed in (& preached on) living life as ONE, but now I'm in this place of my life where, in order for me to live sanely, I have to learn how segregate pieces of my life & cope accordingly.

Deep down my heart cries "I wanna go home. I wanna go home"

I'm learning. I'm learning to count my blessings (so thankful for people who really understands). I'm learning to let go of these dreams & hope in the Dream-Giver alone. I'm learning to accept the things I can't change / affect, & just laugh it off. Maybe I'm learning to really Let Go, & Let God...

Still my heart cries
"I wanna go home. I wanna go home"

Let your love be strong
Let your love be strong