Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Open Up Our Hearts

Divine appointment led this brother to my house late Monday night. I opened up my house & he opened up his heart. It's one of those rare-and-should-happen-more-often moments, where one poured out his heart and shared his life experience, sorrow & hurt, hope, wrong-doing, desires... I was really humbled by this brother's honesty & sincerity. He had a broken spirit - perfect for God to begin His work of restoration. And He is doing that.
Throughout our entire conversation I was just in awe of God's goodness. I feel so honoured & privileged & humbled (does this make sense?) that He sent someone for me to minister and be ministered to in this manner. He's telling me something, I just can't figure it all out yet.

This Saturday a bunch of us are gathering in my house for a time of seeking God again. My heart is filled with fear, excitement, joy, hope. God is good.

Do not shut the heavens... but open up our hearts.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Time of Breaking and Refreshing

I felt Jesus over the weekend. I felt Jesus breaking me - tearing down all my ideas of prayer, worship, and church. I felt His presence when I was with Kelvin in the car and at lunch; I sensed His covering when I was watching football (looking at a small screen from a distance) with Brian & Caleb; I saw Him paint a picture when 4 of us - Caleb, Jason, Ken, myself - as we spent time waiting upon God.
I couldn't go on with prayer meeting that Saturday afternoon, because as I walked into the sanctuary God spoke. He asked me if I would attend church or youth service or  prayer meeting or cell group if I were not a leader, if I didn't have a say of how things are to be done in the church. Maybe I have misused the church to my own pleasure. Have I been another consumer of the church? Bending and pull strings together to make sure that church becomes what I want her to be. He invited him to search my heart, release all my mindsets and let Him redefine what church is all about and teach me how I can give to its cause.
In my room that night, we decided that we should be just still and let God speak to us. God drew us near and spoke to us. In my mind a movie was screened. I was a leper coming in God's house. I took off my cape and uncovered my face. I acknowledge that my sin and pride and hypocrisy brought these hurts upon myself. I just wanted it all to go away. I showed Him my hurts and asked Him to make me whole again.
I waited for His response. But He did something unexpected - He showed me His hands. He told me that my sin and pride and hypocrisy has caused many hurts to me and the people around me, but I hurt Him the most. On my knees, I held His hand and cried. I hurt the one who loves me most.
That reminded me again that it's all about Jesus and I. It's all about Jesus and I. What Ken shared was similiar. He saw a river, and he was dancing and rejoicing in the river. He was telling everyone about it, asking them to jump into the river and join in the celebration. But no one responded to his plea. Then God spoke, "Why are you dancing and rejoicing in the river and telling everyone of this river while you have not drank from this river? Drink the water of this river for yourself."...
God spoke further through Jason, giving 2 words - Breaking and Refreshing. It's certainly true for me. I feel Him breaking me. He's doing it because He wants to renew me. For that, I am grateful.