Friday, March 10, 2006

Death (1)

Last weekend I attended a funeral, again... I don't like facing death, it's such a horrible thing. At times it comes without warning, you can barely hear its footsteps. This time it's a friend's grandfather. Before his fall and admission to the hospital, he was ok. You couldn't tell that he had cancer. The doctor said there was a 80% chance of survival. But now he's gone, and his wife and the rest of the family mourns. My friend tells of how he had to watch the grandfather's heartbeat drop gradually... Heartbreak. As I threw the flower and sand onto the coffin, I say a soft "thank you, Jesus" for saving his soul.
The burial service was held at the same graveyard holding the physical bodies of my grandfather, grandmother, and my best friend, Josephine. I called her by her chinese name. Soo Fen became a follower of Jesus when she was 16 years old. Along with her mom, they somehow found their way to my church and ever since worshipped with us. She participated in our Christmas skit, the one I wrote with Joseph. The next Christmas eve she was involved in a car accident, and she wasn't with us no more on Christmas morning.
The thought that grips my very soul right now is "What fruits do I have to show for Jesus when I meet Him face to face?". I know that it's not by works that I am saved, only the grace and blood of our Lord can do that. But can I smile before I die? If I would think that material wealth could give me that smile, then count me the dumbest guy alive, my friends. I'm pretty sure that before one's death there would not be any thoughts like "Oh, I'm so glad I bought that 3G phone" or "Yes, my BMW has indeed completed my life"...
Can I smile before I die, knowing that I've lived according to the Master's plan? Can I say that I've fulfilled my God-given dreams? You know, for now, i think that is what I want to say before I die. And I won't just be hoping that I'll be able to achieve that. No no, not me. I'm going to RUN WITH GOD-GIVEN DREAMS.


lex said...

great post. feel like this is what my heart has been telling me...what would it take for me to smile before i die...thanks joash!

Luke Chan said...

This post moves me again.

Ya, when we were born, we were crying while everyone was smiling. So let's live a life so well that when we die, we would be smiling while the rest will be crying.