Finding a balance

As of now, I am suffering from lack of rest, of which last night reached the climax (3 hours of sleep). For about a month or so, work has really taken a toll on me. Apart from having favour to attend church programmes, I've been working late nights every night. Reaching home late, sleeping late, waking up early. Having exams this week (Tuesday and Thursday), I took leave from Tuesday noon till Thursday, and had one whole day for rest and study on Wednesday. And well, all the effort has paid off, for the exams, anyway. I had to focus on the few subjects I want to study as I can't possibly make up for the times I missed class. Thank God, everything went according to plan.

But now as I type, my body is weak, and so is my soul, both deprived of many things I've used to enjoy before this whole being-a-grown-up thing... it's a whole new experience, and it has opened up my eyes. Past training has helped me to cope and handle many new challenges with maturity, wisdom, and in some ways, homour. But still there's so much to learn, so much more to improve...

Without a doubt my heart's desire is to reach my colleagues with the love of God. My intention (or desired intention, if you may) is to share the love of Jesus because I've tasted and I know what this love is. Love is my main objective, not conversion. And my colleagues seem to like my non-offending, non-rebuking, non-condemning way of carrying myself as a Christian. They like it that I don't threathen the beliefs they hold or their way of life. They like it that I'm not like the other Christians they know, always trying to win them into joining their religion and church. And their liking has caused my soul to be troubled.

The gospel is an offending message, in some ways. It says that you're not good enough to redeem yourself from the consequences of your evilness. It tells you that no man is good, except God. It tells you that you need to die to yourself, in order that you gain the eternal life. It tells you that on that day, God judges all deeds, both hidden and known, good and evil...

And so as I run with this God-given dream to display that undying love through a potrait of life, I want my life to be a display of that balance between the extremes - to love enough to speak forth truth, to love enough to just love. And so help me, God.