In my previous post, I highlighted some of my 'first' moments with New Life & LifeXtreme. But I believe the most significant one yet will be coming this Saturday at 4pm - youth prayer meeting. Last Sunday, I launched LifeXtreme's Prayer Month 2011. Lately, I just felt God calling us into a time of prayer as He dropped scriptures into my heart.
In Matthew 6:25 - 34 Jesus tells us not to worry, and boy, how tough that can be!! Everyday my heart is troubled with worry - in spite of having experienced God's faithfulness & goodness. John records that Jesus calls us to abide in Him, otherwise we will accomplish nothing. It has indeed been a struggle for me as I battle through, holding onto God & waiting patiently for Him to swoop in and save the day. Circumstances & words get in the way of us wanting God's kingdom & His ways - as we have books & websites & other churches & ideas & formulas to tell us what needs to be done to build an awesome, exciting, attractive youth ministry.
But above all else, I'm desperate for God. Better He than I to come save the day. Lives, dreams & great potentials are at stake and I do not want to be in the way of God's movement. I desire His Kingdom, not my ministry. All I trust is what God says; all I do these days is depend upon Him; all I hope is a miracle from above.
Oh Lord, haste the day!!
There has been many 'first' for me in 2010 with New Life Restoration Centre, Shah Alam, especially over the Christmas & New Year period.
Reading this post by Martin Smith of Delirious? just makes me feel that I'm having a conversation with a friend. For me, the core message is simply "DONT LEAVE GOD OUT!!". Well, maybe because this has been ringing in my head for the past few months, and the ringing is getting louder these days.
Coming to a new church & taking on both music & youth ministries, I feel excited and nervous at the same time. It's exciting because I get to take everything that I've learnt over the past years and start afresh; nerve-wrecking, because in spite of all good intentions & careful planning, there's no way of assuring you won't get off on the wrong foot!!
But I am thankful for God's assurances. As we dive into the deep end & commit ourselves to projects & people, I keep getting the feeling that I've made the right decision. I'm right where God wants me to be - now all I need to do is to get Him involved. In the midst of (too many) unknown factors, I have a firm belief that God is the one who has led me here. Now, I must get Him involved. Apart from Him, I am nothing - in fact, God must take center stage!!
We can make our youth ministry attractive & cool & fashionable & awesome, but without Jesus being the center of attention, it's all for noughs. What's more relevant & necessary than the love of God & the words of eternal life? Offerings & excellence are great; yet God delights in hearts that are humble & broken before Him, with voices that say "God, without You, I am nothing; I don't ever want to leave You out".
My prayer is that God will rain down upon all I am and everything I do, washing away all trace of me and leaving behind only all of Him.
I wish we would let our guards down and learn to trust each other again; I wish we stop second-guessing people's intentions even before we get to know them. I wish we can accept & give kindness without hesitation or doubt.I wish we can share our honest feelings (positive or negative) without fear of being judged or rebuked.
I know that in present times, it's really dangerous to be innocent or naive. There have been stories after stories of evil revealing it's ugly head at the end of something that began with sincere, good intentions. Misplaced trust that leads to tragedy. Even places of supposed security & refuge aren't safe any longer
However, it's sad when we have to live in fear & worry like that. I've worried for friends who were overly naive with obvious dangers, but now my heart aches for them as they become cynical & doubtful towards people. I'm afraid that we often hide behind 'wisdom' in fear, & we forget to live with pure hearts. I think that it hinders us from doing good & receiving goodness.
I wish I can give compliments without people questioning if I have hidden motives or agendas. I feel like if I want to praise someone's beauty, I have to first say "I'm happily married & I'm not looking to get anything from you; I just hope to make you smile by telling you how beautiful you are"... Can't we just give compliments anymore?
Why must we first question each others' integrity? Why can't we take others' words at face value? The worst part is when we question someone's intention or integrity, we ask everyone else instead of immediately questioning the person in question. We would say "oh how can I trust that person's answer" and we use that excuse to spread unfounded doubts & cause others to also second-guess the individual in question.
I want to be able to impart wisdom or teach without having to tiptoe around people & guard their feelings. If both the teacher & the student are of a pure heart, there wouldn't be a problem where people get offended / hurt / wounded. When I first started off as youth leader, I had people older than me & I feared being their leader because I assumed that they will think of me as a small kid. 8 years on, one of them just told me that I'm one of the wisest people she knows. How much wasted precious time & troubles that could have been avoided had I learned to not assume people's thoughts?
In a nutshell, our first instinct is to not trust - be it due to wisdom / fear / judgement. I believe if we have a pure heart, our first instinct is to trust & rely on the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom when necessary.
John 13:37 - 38
Peter asked, "Lord, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you." Then Jesus answered, "Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!"
Peter made a promise he couldn't keep. There was no doubting his love & devotion towards his master - he was sincere, but weak. And we are all no strangers to Peter's story here, aren't we? We, too, have made promises to God & have failed miserably at keeping them. In fact, I could make a list here & I'm certain that you could identify with at least 2 of them.
Maybe it was at youth camp, or at your church's watchnight service, where you made a decision to finish reading the bible next year; or did you make a determination to give 15 minutes of your day for quiet time / devotion, reading at least 1 chapter a day & to pray? We were sincere & truly desired to live our lives pleasing to Him, but then life happened & those promises were either forgotten or given up on. Sincere, but weak...
I want us to be reminded that in spite of our failures & weaknesses, Jesus still loves us.
1. He reminds us -
You'll be bumped out if you've made a powerful declaration of love only to be declared that you'll fail, just like what transpired between Peter & Jesus. But I want you to put yourselves in Jesus' shoes (or rather, as my youth member correctly points out, sandals). He was going to the cross, with the knowledge that one of his disciples will betray Him, another one will deny Him 3 times, & only one will be present as Jesus hangs upon the cross. It must have hurt like hell.
Yet in that moment, Jesus still cared for Peter. Basically He says this: "Peter, I know you're sincere. But let me tell you beforehand - you'll fail. It's alright. When the rooster crows, know that I am reminding you that you have failed & need to repent & turn back to Me." The gospel of Luke recorded Jesus saying more:
Luke 22:32
"But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”
You can probably think of an example in your workplace, or maybe in church. Somebody always fails to do as he / she says, or keeps repeating the same mistake over & over again. Are you gonna trust that person again? Will you even bother saying anything at all? In spite of Peter's failures & in spite of Jesus' pain, He still entrusted Peter with great things.
2. He doesn't withold His blessings from us -
John 14 picks up right after Jesus predicts Peter's denial. Check it out:
John 14:1 - 3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
There are so many beautiful things about this scripture. He comforts Peter & the disciples. He urges them not to rely on their own strength, but upon Himself. He promises them a place in the Father's house. In the Last Supper itself, we can find many valid reasons for Jesus to just forget about Peter & all the disciples. Yet He still loves them. He loved them till the very end (John 13:1).
Many says that John's gospel can be split into 2 halves, with the 2nd half beginning from John 13. That view makes sense to me, as John 13 begins with a declaration of Jesus' love towards His disciples - & that truth was beautifully expressed by the beach where Peter's restoration took place (chapter 21). Peter was fishing, something that Jesus called him OUT OF. So, basically, he had backslide. Yet Jesus was there, reaching out with hands of forgiveness - forgiveness that would empower Peter to later do great things.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we will constantly fail in our attempts to do what God desires of us. Even if we manage, it's hardly ever 100%. Besides, everything good that we do, is because of God's grace, God's empowerment, God's guidance, God's provision anyways. Bottom line - it's not about us. It's not about us getting things right - it's about a journey of knowing a God who loves us unfailingly & unceasingly.
Our failures / sins should not be reason for us to fall into guilt & condemnation. Rather, our failures should serve as reminders of how much He loves us. Draw near to Him.
He loves us, oh how He loves us...
Dear friends, I am pleased to be able to finally announce that I have entered into full time ministry with New Life Restoration Centre, Shah Alam.
Full time:
What a crazy & amazing journey it has been. Growing up as a PK, I've always been reluctant to work as a pastor or full time minister. Then came working life, which helped me discover that I really want to spend my life living out Galatians 5:6 - to express faith through love (sorry but I can't think of a simpler way to explain it). So I ventured into working freelance in the year 2007 to have more time for ministry. But that turned out to be a wild wild journey of self-discovery (I must have driven May crazy!!) that led me to this decision.
Leaving FCC:
It came pretty suddenly for the church, but May & I knew for quite a while that we had to move away from FCC in order for everybody involved to move forward. I had to move into another phase of my walk, and TOUCH had their road ahead of them too. I had to let go of a ministry I've come to be perhaps too familiar with; and TOUCH had to release me in order to begin fulfilling their God-given potentials & calling.
NLRC, SA:
When my uncle enquired about my availability to serve in the church he founded, I just felt that God was opening this door for us. Moving to Kota Kemuning is a big adjustment for us, but the peace of God has been steadily with us. Officially, I start here on July 1st; but since mid May we've had opportunities to get to know many new friends. In a way, it felt like home right from the beginning - I have many relatives in this church, & it is in a children's camp organized by my uncle & aunty that I've became a Christian at the age of 7. =)
Okay that's all for now. I'll be blogging more of what transpired. But if you're anxious to know, let's just meet on facebook. Or at a coffee place - your treat =)
In the past 2 months, I've had the privilege of meeting 3 other Joashs. All of them showed amazing qualities & really likable personalities. I keep thinking about how I wish I was more like them. These other Joashs really inspire me to be a better person - a better Joash.
One of them is Joash Wee. I incidentally met him in Kuantan while on holiday. He was visiting relatives. And though we were only together for less than 5 minutes, I was sincerely drawn to him. Something about his charm & charisma, things I wish I had in reserves. Unfortunately, tragedy struck & he passed away - just mere 3 days after I've met him.
As news passed on via facebook, it turned out that some of my friends actually know this Joash personally. And I would like to say, to those whose lives have crossed paths with Joash Wee, that even in the short time I was with him, I was blessed. So I'm sure you all had great moments with him. He somehow inspired me to be better, and now even more so in his death.
What better way to show your appreciation towards someone than to make him / her laugh at your expense?
Flying Without Wings from Joash Chan on Vimeo.
More than 4 hours of recording, and about 13 hours of editing.
2 days 1 night is kinda short for a trip like this, but I'll take what I can get. And we were so fortunate that Lemuel, Melanie & Mikayla took us along for this (Osbourne caught up with us late at night). Everywhere we went & everything we did were so much more enjoyable with good company.
If it were up to me, I wouldn't have gone to places like strawberry farm or the butterfly park, but Mikayla made every moment precious & necessary. There are so many things I love there - the cool weather, the beautiful scenery, the fresh vegetables, the night market, strawberry ice creams... and did I mention the cool weather? Perfect for BBQ (which we did do on our first night).
Seriously, I wish I had more reason to stay in Cameron Highlands, or at least go there more often. Last year, Pastor Leong of Taman Lakeview was saying that he was going to retire, & I asked if I could take his place as caretaker of the campsite - and I wasn't joking. Perhaps if they could cut short the journey to an hour, or if I had a driver & a nice car, or a helicopter... Or if I had a job that requires me to be in Cameron Highlands half the time... It feels strange needing to be in KL.. Is this my comfort zone, or is this where I'm suppose to be?
Anyways, I do hope to be going up there again in June. Maybe stay up there for like 10 days or something. Nonetheless, I'm really grateful for this trip. It felt like a fulfillment of Psalm 37:4 - 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.' These few years, there's really nothing I could depend on except God. Circumstances came our way & forced it upon us, really. But we've experience the grace & the beauty of depending on God for everything. He has come through for us every time. And little by little, step by step, He is drawing us unto complete dependence upon Him.
