"Thanks for not giving up on me"

I remember the times where I gave up. When I was 15 I gave up on public school teachers & went on to study on my own for SPM. When this job of mine got too taxing for me, I gave up my tuition classes. I treated them as ministry, but I couldn't take the stress anymore. The student's mom actually came & spoke to me about how her son has improved as a person since coming for my classes. I promise i would call up my student, but I got distrated & I gave up. I have no idea how he is doing now. I can recall the time when I gave up on patching things up with an individual in church. A while ago I gave up hope on several more, citing "leave them to God's hands" as an excuse. And oh the amount of times I gave up on HOPE ITSELF.

I'm quite sure that there's a difference between giving up on a person or a situation & leaving it to God, and giving up doing things your own way & start working alongside God. But I'm not sure which I have done more.

David fought the lion & the bear to save one sheep. Easily he could value his life greater than the sheep's & just leave it to God. He upheld his part of the deal by pursuing the enemy, and God gave him the strength to defeat the enemy. They worked together to protect the sheep.

God, forgive me for the many times I have given up on the sheeps that you have entrusted to me. I have let You down. I don't want to do that anymore. At the end of my race, I want to hear those words "thanks for not giving up on me". I want to uphold my part of the deal, I want to keep my word. And I trust You will extend Your helpful hands to assist me & guide me through every trial & every difficulty. I love You, God, and I will feed Your sheep with You. Thanks. For not giving up on me.

Unity.

"How many desperate people does it take for revival to come?"

I don't know how many people it'll take for God to bring revival. I'm not quite sure if God looks at the numbers either. Revival doesn't come because we meet the quota or we fulfill the hours needed or the buckets of tears. It's solely by God's grace, I believe.

But looking at the scriptures, few things are certain. God rewards those who earnestly seek Him. God is searching for worshippers who will worship Him in spirit and in truth. God wants to rebuild the tabernacle of David. Blessed are those who hunger and thrist, for they shall be filled. To those who are faithful, great responsibilities & gifts shall be given.

How many people does it take? I believe it starts with 1. But it doesn't stop there. Like how I felt the need to seek God & listen to His voice. Then I shared that conviction with a few. And they caught that vision. At YPS we caught that vision of discipleship, 1 shepherd a few. We shared that with the church board, and they are so willing to help out now.

Conversation + fellowship is so important. Wednesday night God was again reminding me of the importance of our (young people) fellowship with the adults... that we really need to initiate conversation & deliberate discussions in order to build that trust between us. Zeal and passion needs to be led with wisdom. We need to converse in order to keep each other in balance. The body needs to be ONE.

Unity is so crucial to the move of the Spirit. That's why Jesus prayed that we would be one. This is something we have to work on. It takes time. It's sad, but it's true. Imagine how patient God has been with us. And we're not even there, yet. He's still waiting. So likewise we need to persevere in pursuing unity.

Personally, I'm still trying to figure out the balance of desperation & patience. Perhaps it's suppose to be desperation + perseverance. That hunger will spread. But we need to persevere, & press on.

"And the streams will flow as a river..."

My 22nd Birthday

Yea, I know it's a bit too late to blog about something that happened on 20 Oct, but I just had to do this. It's my small way of saying thank you to all those who made my birthday a memorable one.

Those who made it happen - mom, dad, and May.

Somehow there wasn't a picture of the 4 of us together.

Joseph presented me the gift, but in this picture it was more like his birthday. Haha...

When you have a dream, some friends will dream along with you. Some friends will encourage you & push you forward. And then there are those who ask you to be reasonable & sensible, to keep a balance between chasing a dream & facing the realities of life - which is understandable.

 

 

My bunch of friends (BIG FAMILY) have so much faith in my dream, and more importantly, in me, that they actually invest their money. Most of them are students, mind you. Took me 3 days to write 28 thank cards. I could have just send them an email or print something out, but writing to each one of them personally is the least I can do.

So this is it. My new camera, costs nearly RM3000. 3.1 Megapixel, 3 CCD (don't ask me what it means. I just know that it's very cool & extremely good). May managed to bargain and got several free stuff too, like a very cool umbrella (finally an umbrella I can call my own!!) and a tripod (sweet!!).

 

Thank you everyone!! It's a truly awesome gift. To TOUCH, thank you for loving me. Maybe I shouldn't be the youth leader next year, cause the next thing I want is....Haha. Thank you all. Thank you for believing in me. I won't let you down, and I'll make you very proud. It's an investment you won't regret, and someday you'll be proud to say that you helped kicked off Joash Chan's dream.

Thank you, Chi Wing, for this very cool pen. Johannah Ang, thank you so much for your card. You're a sweet girl. I hope you always remain a joyful person. And of course, Lemuel & Melanie, thank you for the wine. We shall open it when both of you visit my house.

 

I am bold and courageous, cause the Lord my God is with me!!

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. (New International Version)

Previously I struggled with this verse, a lot. To gain what I want, I'll have to desire what He wants? It felt unfair. I had the idea that ultimately He wins, because I didn't get what I asked for. But I got what He wanted for me. That just didn't seem right. What about me?

It was only recently that I looked back at this verse & finally understood what it means. Mom & dad helped me out with that too. A friend was telling me about how she decided she couldn't believe in God anymore. He didn't answer her prayer. The first thing that came to my mind was "hey, He's God. He can do whatever he wants. If God moves according to whatever we wanted, He wouldn't be God - we would. And the world will be in total chaos, simply because there are so many gods". I gave an example of 2 guys praying for the same girl. Who will win? In the end, it's God's will that'll prevail.

She did not give an answer to that. She was just quiet. But her face tells me that she wasn't convinced. In fact, after some thought, I wasn't convinced myself. Then this verse popped in my head - this Psalm 37:4. It took some time before it finally sank into my soul.

To delight in God is to find everything we need in Him. And He is indeed everything we need. A friend that never gives up on us, always forgives, loves us unconditionally. It's about understanding who God is and how much He loves us. It's about being assured by the One who gave it all, and will continue to provide all that we need. It's freedom - freedom from trying too hard to gain love, acceptance, peace, comfort, security.

Get insurance with God and do a good deed, settle down and stick to your last. Keep company with God, get in on the best. (The Message)

Psalm 23:1 - The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Galatians 5:1 - It is for freedom that Christ has set us free