Open Up Our Hearts

Divine appointment led this brother to my house late Monday night. I opened up my house & he opened up his heart. It's one of those rare-and-should-happen-more-often moments, where one poured out his heart and shared his life experience, sorrow & hurt, hope, wrong-doing, desires... I was really humbled by this brother's honesty & sincerity. He had a broken spirit - perfect for God to begin His work of restoration. And He is doing that.
Throughout our entire conversation I was just in awe of God's goodness. I feel so honoured & privileged & humbled (does this make sense?) that He sent someone for me to minister and be ministered to in this manner. He's telling me something, I just can't figure it all out yet.

This Saturday a bunch of us are gathering in my house for a time of seeking God again. My heart is filled with fear, excitement, joy, hope. God is good.

Do not shut the heavens... but open up our hearts.

Time of Breaking and Refreshing

I felt Jesus over the weekend. I felt Jesus breaking me - tearing down all my ideas of prayer, worship, and church. I felt His presence when I was with Kelvin in the car and at lunch; I sensed His covering when I was watching football (looking at a small screen from a distance) with Brian & Caleb; I saw Him paint a picture when 4 of us - Caleb, Jason, Ken, myself - as we spent time waiting upon God.

 

I couldn't go on with prayer meeting that Saturday afternoon, because as I walked into the sanctuary God spoke. He asked me if I would attend church or youth service or  prayer meeting or cell group if I were not a leader, if I didn't have a say of how things are to be done in the church. Maybe I have misused the church to my own pleasure. Have I been another consumer of the church? Bending and pull strings together to make sure that church becomes what I want her to be. He invited him to search my heart, release all my mindsets and let Him redefine what church is all about and teach me how I can give to its cause.

 

In my room that night, we decided that we should be just still and let God speak to us. God drew us near and spoke to us. In my mind a movie was screened. I was a leper coming in God's house. I took off my cape and uncovered my face. I acknowledge that my sin and pride and hypocrisy brought these hurts upon myself. I just wanted it all to go away. I showed Him my hurts and asked Him to make me whole again.

 

I waited for His response. But He did something unexpected - He showed me His hands. He told me that my sin and pride and hypocrisy has caused many hurts to me and the people around me, but I hurt Him the most. On my knees, I held His hand and cried. I hurt the one who loves me most.

 

That reminded me again that it's all about Jesus and I. It's all about Jesus and I. What Ken shared was similiar. He saw a river, and he was dancing and rejoicing in the river. He was telling everyone about it, asking them to jump into the river and join in the celebration. But no one responded to his plea. Then God spoke, "Why are you dancing and rejoicing in the river and telling everyone of this river while you have not drank from this river? Drink the water of this river for yourself."...

 

God spoke further through Jason, giving 2 words - Breaking and Refreshing. It's certainly true for me. I feel Him breaking me. He's doing it because He wants to renew me. For that, I am grateful.

My Cell Group

God has blessed me with a wonderful cell group. Each one carries a different vibe and unique personality. By the grace of God we often have very open and transparent sharings and discussion. It's so beautiful to hear a young person talk about life in school, peer pressure, sibling relationship, music, God... To me, this is church. Sharing life together, meeting needs, encouraging and praying for one another to be the light and salt to the people we know and brush pass everyday, sharing and showing the Jesus we know individually, motivating our walk in knowing this huge God.

It's such a joy to be with them. I see Jesus in all of them. Everytime we meet I feel that they are investing time in my life.

Why I Didn't Go To Church On Fathers' Day

I could have easily refused my colleagues' request to come back to work on weekends. All I have to do is dish out my religious fervour and I'm spared from the misery. They have respect for our muslim clients' prayer time, so it won't be hard to say that "I need to go to church, please respect my religion"... Church + Religion - I have been pondering upon these 2 words for a long time now.

What is the purpose of church? Attending church service and singing songs and watching performances and listening to a sermon - if all these are an end in itself, then... No. I can't even imagine what it'll be like.
God = Love. A church without love is a church without God. Isn't it our job to point people towards God, towards the source of love? What's the use of church if we don't love? What's the use of prayer, worship, church service, cell group, youth ministry, evangelism, if we don't love?

My Indian colleague is near retirement age. I don't know how many chidren he has. I remember hearing him talking about his 2 sons. He had to work on Sunday - Fathers' Day. Judging from the 3 hours I spent at work, both of us really didn't need to show up that day. But I was glad I spent 3 hours with a father, helping him as much as I could. I didn't go to church because of him. I was compelled to go to work that day, but not by the pressure from my seniors, but by love. I didn't mention Jesus nor show him verses from the bible. I was just there to spend a moment of Fathers' Day with a father.