The Baptism

It has been thirty days since our church's family day cum water baptism. More than 20 people gave their testimony of Jesus. Each were given 3 minutes to speak, but the existence of an interpretor ( a.k.a interruptor) to help all English speaking, Chinese speaking, and Bahasa Malaysia speaking people understand the message backfired as the time was almost doubled and the crowd grew restless and noisy.

 

I wonder if they heard the testimonies but I certainly did - I was the cameraman for the day. Each one had a special story about how they met Jesus and why they want to be baptised. There were little, but significant, victories that day. Some actually had their non-believing family to witness their baptism. WOW. That is just mind-blowing. God is doing a great work indeed. As they submerged in water, I felt that they weren't too concerned about the unattentive crowd. They knew their story was sounded and heard - by their family, by the devil, and by their Saviour.

 

I felt excited for them, especially those who were close to my heart. Dad came back this week and we saw the video. And I was again amazed by God's work over their lives. I have this tendency  of getting frustrated at the rate of their growth(pride and ungratefulness getting the better of me), but I don't want to doubt God's hand over their lives again. I must let God be God, and learn to love no matter what. I pray that they cherish this wonderful beginning. I'm so excited. I know God has something special planned for them.

 

I pray next year we'll be baptising some of my friends who have yet to believe.

A Time of Repentance

At our last prayer meeting, the Holy Spirit led us to a place of repentance. We asked God to forgive us for placing Him in a box, in spite of all our good intentions. For so long we have been asking for all the "good stuff" - revival, healing, breakthrough, salvation - but we have not seeked God's heart. We prayed according to what we thought was necessary, needed, or missing in the church today. We asked God to conform to our desires, assuming that He would deliver according to our timing.

 

And because of this attitude, we have belittled this Dream-Giver. We made Him too small in our eyes. We forgot that He's the so-much-more God. We form our ideas of Him base on what we hear from pastors, elders, people we admire, and books. We did not seek Him. We forgot that He can do exceedingly and abundantly far greater than our hopes and imagination. We leaned on our idealisms, and disregarded His grace. His grace is sufficient, right? By our actions, we projected our disbelief. We couldn't lie to God. He knows it all.

 

There were prophesies. We needed to be set apart unto holiness and good works, and we needed to return to our first love. We were encouraged to place our worries at His feet and exchange it for His yoke and burden, which is light and easy.

 

Our prayer that night, and even now, is that God be magnified, and He take us deeper in love with Him. We desire so much to be by His side, in His embrace, listening to His voice, feeling His heartbeat... Take us there, Lord. Take us there. We want to be your partners in prayer.

 

 

Do we really want it?

You can't desire revival without being willing to pay the price or be the vessel through which it comes.

 

Maybe we haven't experienced revival as seen in the times of Acts because we don't really want it. Sure, we pray and ask God for revival. But do we really want it?

 

Is it fear that holds us back? Fear of persecution, rejection, death, commitment, sacrifice (time and money)? All these are likely to happen, and it's required. But do we know what God requires of us in the first place? Jesus only asked the people to wait in the upper room, and the rest is history. Maybe we have been fearing the unknown so much, that we are afraid to ask God what He really wants from us.

 

Do we even know God? Have we experienced His love? Do we recognise His voice? Do we know His words?

 

We know revival is good. We know God is good. We know that He won't give us what we cannot bear. We know where He wants us to go, He makes the way for us.

 

Now we need to know the heart of God. That's the best place to start.

 

 

This struggle of mine

Everything is the same. Nothing has changed. What's the use of discussing it? What's the point in mentioning it or bringing it up? Where is hope in repeating the same things over and over and over again?

 

I was silent. Maybe I was silenced, if there's such a word. My spirit is weak, and my flesh is ready to explode.

 

Here we are again. Same problems, same issues, same statements, same emphasis, same attitude... Something's gotta give. Should it be me? My presence hasn't made a positive effect. I felt useless. I feel useless. What's the point in staying and hoping when it has been so long now? Can I really make a difference? Will things ever turn out for good? Lies of the evil one... why do they seem so true?!!

 

I know it oh so well. It's never about the team. It's never about the individuals. It's not about the ministry. It's not about the leadership. All these are irrelevant in the light of what this Dream-Giver wants of me.

 

It's about CHANGING ME. It's about having that difference in me. It's about Christ-likeness - pleasing the Dream-Giver and loving people (even enemies); giving grace, just as much as I have received grace, regardless of the circumstances. And to be frank, I resent that. I am frustrated. He knows it. I can't lie about it. He also knows I love GRACE, because it's good and it's something free, given to all who don't deserve it at all. Given to me. I am without excuse. I have no right to be hopeless. Dang. He's good...

 

Here we are again. I hate this. I haven't changed. I am still the same.

 

 

I need peace. I want hope.

 

 

Don't give up on me. Draw near to me. Show me love. Teach me how to love.